The Ego Trap: How Wanting to Be Awesome Can Kill Your Motivation

Let’s be real for a second—I am struggling with motivation. Lately, it feels like my ego and I are in a toxic relationship. I grind through workouts even though I know I’ll never be an elite athlete. I’ve changed my diet, but after seven whole weeks, the scale refuses to acknowledge my efforts. I coach my heart out, but sometimes, things beyond my control don’t go the way I envisioned. And in these moments, when frustration creeps in, I know exactly what’s standing in my way: my ego.

The Ego Problem

Ego gets a bad rap, but it’s not inherently bad. It’s just that, sometimes, it tricks us into believing that if we’re not immediately (or ever) great at something, we’re failing. And if we’re failing? Well, why even try? Ego wants instant validation. It wants proof that we are exceptional. But growth doesn’t happen in the land of immediate results. Growth happens in the messy, awkward, “why am I even doing this?” phase that ego absolutely hates.

Take Ronda Rousey, for example. She was an Olympic judo medalist before transitioning to MMA, where she became an absolute force. But after dominating for years, she suffered two brutal losses, and instead of pushing through and rebuilding, she walked away from the sport. Contrast that with someone like Serena Williams, who had setbacks, injuries, and losses but kept coming back, adapting her game, and competing at the highest level well into her 40s. The difference? The willingness to push past ego and keep evolving.

Science Says: Push Through

If anecdotes aren’t enough, neuroscience backs this up, too. Research on neuroplasticity shows that our brains adapt and rewire when we challenge ourselves. The more we push through difficulty, the better we get at being persistent. But if we let our ego win and stop trying when things get tough, we reinforce the belief that effort isn’t worth it—and our brains actually get worse at handling setbacks. So, in a way, quitting doesn’t just hurt our progress; it rewires our brains to be quitters.

The Real Consequence of Letting Ego Win

Here’s where it gets a little serious (but just for a second). One of the biggest regrets people have on their deathbed is not taking more chances. No one ever says, “I wish I had given up sooner when things got hard.” They regret letting fear—or ego—stop them from going after what they wanted.

So what’s the solution? Keep showing up. Keep putting in the work, even when you feel ridiculous doing it. Even when you feel like the universe is mocking your efforts. Let go of the need for immediate validation. Your progress is happening—even if the scale, your coaching results, or the scoreboard haven’t caught up yet.