Question Your Stories

A few years ago, I had an athlete who insisted on doing things his way. In track and field, I try to give my athletes autonomy but this athlete's independence felt less like "taking ownership" and more like he was setting up camp on a different planet. By the end of the season, I was so frustrated that I stopped coaching him altogether. When he decided not to return his senior year, I didn't reach out. I didn't ask him why. I didn't try to mend the bridge. I told myself it wasn't worth the effort.

Looking back, I see how wrapped up I was in the story I had created. To me, this athlete's actions said, I don't need you Coach. So I responded with my own story: Fine, then I don't need you either. But here's the thing about stories-we often forget they're fiction.

Science backs this up, by the way. Our brains are wired to make sense of the world through narratives. It's called the storytelling brain and it's both amazing and problematic. We're constantly interpreting others' actions and filling in the blanks based on our own experiences, assumptions, and emotions. Just because the brain tells a good story doesn't mean it's the right story.

By giving so much attention to my frustration and assumptions, I let those feelings grow. Instead of reaching out to my athlete to understand where he was coming from, I closed the door. That season taught me a hard but valuable lesson: when we stop trying to connect, we let our relationships wither.

What story are you telling yourself that might be getting in the way of your success or your relationships?

• My coach doesn't like me.

• My teammates don't want me here.

• I'll never be good enough.

The more focus on these things, we start to believe them, and the more they grow, the more they define us. They don't just affect your performance-they can erode your confidence and take away the joy and fulfillment you once found in your sport.

If I could go back, I'd approach that athlete differently. I'd say, "Hey, I notice you like to do things differently. Help me understand where you're coming from so I can support you better." Even if he didn't change a single thing, the act of listening might have been enough to keep him coming back another year.

Here's my challenge for you. Question the stories you're telling yourself. Are they rooted in reality or are they just assumptions. Instead of weaving a narrative in your head, take the opportunity to communicate (either with yourself or another person). As questions like:

• Coach, what do you see that I can do better?

• What is one thing I did well at practice?

• What can I do to better support my teammates and create better bonds?

Better storytelling starts with better communication. You might be surprised at how much clarity and connection you can create just by asking a qustion. So let's all take a moment to pause, reflect, and rewrite just one of the stories we tell ourselves-for the better.